Finding Your LIP! In Honor Of Veterans Day


Boot camp was everything the young man expected and then some! Grueling, exhausting even what some might label abusive at times but he embraced it all.  Small in stature, the young man went above and beyond to prove that there was more to him than just size.  He excelled in all the physical tests except one; he had not been able to successfully vault over a wall that was part of an extensive obstacle course. In every attempt, he always fell short of being able to grab the top of the wall and propel himself over.

The night before the final tests of boot camp, he was awakened by his Drill Sergeant and ordered to go outside. Sure that he was about to be chastised for his failure on the course that day, the young man stoically waited for what was to come. Instead, his instructor led him to his nemesis: The Wall.  Then the young man was given an odd instruction: feel the wall.  Disciplined to respond to orders, he did as he was told. He slowly walked the length of the wall as he ran his hands over the rough surface. Thoughts tumbled about in the young man’s head. This wall stood between him and his long held goal of becoming a Marine. If he wasn’t able to get over this wall tomorrow, he would fail and be sent home.

The graveled voice of his Sergeant barked at him.

“Find a way over that wall!”

The young man pressed closer and breathed a silent prayer, “I gotta find a way.” and then he felt it…. a small niche, a lip in the face of the wall. Stepping back, he marked where the lip was and then began the circuit of the obstacle course which included running, belly busters, slide for life and swinging from ropes. He smoothly managed through each of these and then the wall loomed darkly before him.  Heart pumping wildly, he raced towards it.  In one fluid movement, he leaped on the wall, his boot instinctively finding the lip. Pushing up with strong arms, he grasped the top of the wall and sailed over! As he hit the ground on the other side, excitement surged and tingled. He’d made it!  He knew in his heart that he’d be able to repeat this performance the next day and he did. But what thrilled him even more than that accomplishment were the words he received from his Drill Sergeant after graduation: “Good job Marine.” He’d successfully become one of the few and the proud.

(November 10th Marine Corp Birthday – Happy Birthday Marine Corp! Semper Fi) 

This story inspired me to find my own LIP.  Life presents us with obstacles every day and often they seem to be just as daunting as that wall appeared to be to that young man. But I learned 3 things from this story that I want to share with you.

  1.  Get yourself an accountability partner. Someone who will challenge you to do what’s in your heart and not let you back away from it
  2.  Be willing to face the obstacles that stand in the way of your goal. “Feel the wall.” You may find your  answer in the midst of your problem
  3.  Understand that your goal is worth every ounce of effort you have to expend to get it. Don’t back away from the challenges of reaching what you really want

What Part Of No…

I have a confession to make:  Today, I said “No” to my boss!

When it’s hard to say “No,  actually saying  it  becomes a whole new ballgame!   You find yourself feeling like you have to justify to the other person and yourself why you said, “No”

Could this be part of the reason why you don’t like saying “No” in the first place?  Yes is easier, but the cost of that “Yes” could break you!

say noI had a friend who was notorious for coming up with a gazillion ways for me to say “Yes” after I’d already told her “No” maybe a dozen times!  She never left a gracious way of escape so I always felt crappy after those conversations.  I finally broke down and had the honest one on one with her as a friend and explained that she really made it hard for me to say “No” and that I’d really appreciate her respecting my decision and not keep pushing the issue.

She was awesome and very gracious in her response!

Since that time, I’ve had to have similar conversations but today, I found myself justifying my “No” to myself because it was my boss!

Gasp! Get out of town! You told your boss ‘No?”

Yes! And you know what? The earth kept spinning on its axis. She graciously accepted the “No” and understood that my plate was full.   Hmmm…  Maybe the biggest hindrance to saying “No” might be ourselves!

Ok, so here are a few tips to make the going a little easier:

  1. Why are you saying “No”  If it’s a case where you can’t do it now but you can do it later, schedule it for later but if you really need to delegate it to someone else or simply not own it at all; say “No”
  2. Practice your “No”  You don’t have to be mean or overly apologetic. It’s nothing personal. You can be firmly respectful and polite and do it with a smile!
  3. Stand by your” No”  Just as you’ve taken that deep breath of relief, Whew! That’s over with and I said “No”  The same person (or they’ll push someone else up to do it) will ask again. (As if you weren’t really sure the first time)
  4. Continue to remind yourself of the benefits of saying “No” Old habits die hard is a valid reality check and you have to be your best cheerleader as you change your M.O. from  — I always say “Yes” to  “No” is now a part of my vocabulary!
  5. Reward yourself for saying “No” Make it meaningful to you. One of my favorite rewards, back in the day, was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation. It only came on once a week.  I’d take advantage of those slots of time that I’d  opened for myself by saying, “No”  to take care of the “other stuff” I didn’t seem to have time to do.   Now for the reward!  I’d put the kids to bed, break out my hidden stash of chips and  veg out on the couch to enjoy my hour of sweet distraction!

Ok, ‘nuff said!  Time to go tell somebody “No!”

© 2015 Edwina Frazier /

Getting Out Of Limbo!


“I feel like I’m in limbo!”

Haven’t we all felt that way? Here’s a sample of how some folks define that fuzzy, gray state of mind:
• Limbo? That’s when you’re waiting for something that you’re not sure when it’s going to happen.
• Limbo is when you don’t quite know what to do. You have an idea of what you should be doing but you don’t really know what to do first.
• Feeling like you’re in limbo is feeling stuck! You’re not moving forward. You can’t go back. You’re just….stuck!

Can you identify with any of these? One thing’s for sure; you know it’s a place that doesn’t feel good! Limbo happens to the best of us. You may be feeling like you’re in a state limbo now! Here are some great tips to navigate you way back to productivity.

Take a step MLK said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” What gets us stuck is that we’re unsure of the entire plan. We’re in analysis paralysis trying to fit all the pieces together before we begin. But we may never see all the pieces from our vantage point at the bottom of the stairs, and so we have to start the ascent without clarity –

Change Your Attitude Wayne Dyer pointed out, “You’ll see it when you believe it.” Envision your “finish line” and feel what it’s like to have attained your goal. Work backward to determine what it takes to reach that point. Setting small, incremental goals for each stage of the process will help keep you focused and your mind alert; before you know it, you’ll see the manifested outcome of all that you believed. –

The next two tips are from “Natalie” who blogs on “What rhymes with orange?”

The two-minute rule This has made me much more productive, for real. It boils down to – if you can get it done in two minutes, do it. Works well and gets those annoying little things out of the way so that you can focus on the things that bring you into flow!
Schedules and Lists I’m a scheduler and list maker. Maybe this is because I’m a big picture person who likes doing work that involves a lot of details (event coordination) so I need tools that will help me get organized. Scheduling with deadlines keeps me motivated since I’m clearly working towards something and a to-do list works because I love crossing things off!

Address Stress. If you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed, lighten the load and address the source of the stress before you do anything else. Whether it’s work, a personal conflict, too many things on your to-do list, or too many demands on your time from family or friends, you need to pinpoint the reason and take action. With the help of a friend, coach or counselor who can give you perspective and feedback, let some things go or find ways to delegate. Very few things in life are worth the physical and emotional toll of chronic stress. – Barrie Davenport /

Just do it The scariest step of most challenges is usually the first one, and many of us spend so much time screwing around, trying to find the exact right outfit or equipment or tool or plan in order to get started, that we never do. Or if we do get started, we’re quick to blame any failures or mistakes on anything but our own selves (“If I only had the right pen, and the right notebook, I could write a bestseller…”). So a tactic that works well in making an end run around our own lizard brain is to just go. Just start. Just do it. Even if it’s not exactly right, even if it seems amateurish to use what you have and start where you are, that’s the best way to begin – at the beginning, with beginner’s mind and beginner’s skills. Just begin. Derek Markham /

Sometimes it’s only through letting stuff go that we create enough space to see what really does matter. Dan James /

Hmmm…. Well said Dan! Perhaps your lack of “mojo” is due to holding on to things that no longer serve a productive function for you. This is especially true when you’re feeling stuck and unable to move forward. Try something new! It doesn’t have to be big. Letting go of some old stuff may be your ticket out of limbo!

(c) 2014 Edwina Frazier
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